02
June 1st, 2001
Xander is due to arrive today. He probably won't, but today is the due date. Already he strikes me as stubborn. Already my perception of him is forming. "Alexander Dominic Fowlkes". Alexander the Great conquered nearly all the known world by the time he was 30. I am reminded of this daily, because I work in Alexandria, VA. Alexandria, the ancient one, was home to a great library. It's one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Alexander stole most of the books from Arabian countries, "borrowing" them allegedly to have them copied and then keeping them, forfeiting the enormous deposits which he paid for them. The library isn't there anymore; stories differ as to what exactly happened to it. Basically it was neglected and then people started stealing books for kindling, and eventually it was burned to the ground, possibly by a zealous Catholic Bishop. Xander is due today. Already I have big plans.
I'm about to be a parent. It sinks in slowly. I don't want to go into this with pre-conceived notions - or rather, post-conception pre-birth notions. I don't want to unconsciously place my dreams upon him. I don't want to try to, through him, vicariously live out all of the adventures to which I never got around. I want to let him be his own person.
I want to show him "everything", but what if he isn't interested? I want to let him have his own interests. I want to be supportive. I want to nurture him, and his interests. I want to tell him all of the secrets, but not unless, or until, he is ready and wants to hear them.
Alexander. Alex. Al. Lex. Xander. There's so many people that he can be. At this point, all possibilities lie open to him.
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