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Lo. It's been a while since I talked to you or heard from you, so
I thought I'd send ya some email. Sorry I didn't resort to being
assertive sooner, but things have been really busy thus far this
semester. You see...
...I met someone over the summer, let's call her Cacophony
Uzume. She was this nice, yet rather loud, young woman with whom I
for a while. I thought she was pretty kewl for a while
and found myself longing to fall for her. It was a weird feeling,
wanting to want her, as if I was so used to unrequited love that being
out of its throes seemed unnatural; or perhaps it was the job itself,
which was not only really condusive to bonding but was one in which
it was expected that the counselors would hook up with each other. As
I've probably mentioned before, though, I don't think I could bring
myself to hook up with someone, not if I knew it was just a hook-up, at
least. So I didn't, I just began to fall back into the familiar mode of
infatuation. It didn't happen though; invariably, just as I'd finally
convinced myself of her many virtues, Cacophony would say or do
something so uncouth that I'd be utterly turned off by her. It was for
the best though, and I knew it; I was all too familiar with the dangers
of trying to fall for someone.
Then one day I walked into the office and saw her laying on the
couch, asleep. And I stood there, still as could be, and watched her
for a long while. This was not the first time I had stared at a sleeping
co-worker, but it was the only time that the sight left me utterly
smitten. So I fell for her, without even trying to, when I least
expected it.
So we all hung out that summer and I "basked in the glow" and
just enjoyed her company. When camp ended she gave out her
address, and I heard her mutter that no one would probably write her;
so of course I did. I missed her. A while after I'd sent the letter, I got
some email from her. It was very short but very friendly and left me longing
for more. We exchanged email semi-regularly for the rest of the summer,
talking about stuff and just generally bonding. She sent me a letter
too, without a doubt one of the best letter's I've ever gotten.
So school started, and her dorm is right near mine, so I started
dropping by and visiting her, which eventually lead to hanging out
with her for long, frequent, periods of time. And it's really cool
because all her friends are nice and seem to like me and she's becoming a
truly wonderful friend, the closest thing I have to a best friend, I'd say.
So we'd hang out and talk and I'd help her
analyze email from guys she liked and allude to how jealous of them I
was and what not and she'd tell me that I was awesome.
So everything was pretty much going well, you know? We were
really close friends and that was all I really needed; granted, I wanted
a little more, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to bring
something like that about. As maybe you read in Living Groups
Chapter 76, I came to the conclusion-slash-resolve that what I wanted out
of a relationsip was not an "accomplice in lust" as I had once equated with
acceptance-by-a-female, but rather a best friend with the possibility
for romance. In short, Cacophony was exactly what
I needed in my life at the time, and still is...
Well one night several days ago I was in her room late and she
was a little sick and decided to go to bed. So I was on my way out the door,
but before I could go she turned back to me and asked me to tell
her a bed time story. It was the neatest request anyone had ever made
of me, I think. So I said okay and I climbed up into her loft and sat at
her feet and asked her what kind of story she wanted. She said she
wanted one about sleeping, so I started telling her this story that I've
been in the process of writing for LG that's basically a sort of mature
version of "Snow White" and "Sleeping Beauty" told as a single story.
And it was pretty kewl (both the story and the telling)! Well, after I
finished the story she wanted another one, and since she had been
reading "A Midsummer's Night Dream" I told her this story about
fairies, not even realizing at the time that it was yet another story about
sleeping. So after I finished it, it was late and I left and felt all happy
because telling her bed time stories was definitely the most fun I've
had in a while.
I went back the next night and told her two more stories, and this
time she fell asleep on my arm; I was trying to replace my arm with a
pillow when her roommate walked in and she woke up.
So one night this weekend I'm hanging out with 'coph and I go
with her to a party that some friends of hers are having. The guy she'd been
going on about was there, but he left after a while. I was carrying her
pager and cigarettes because I had big pockets; at some point we went outside
so that she could smoke and we sat on the walkway and talked and then sat on a
bench and talked and she sort of layed down with her head on my leg
and I started playing with her hair a little. She looked up at me and said
that she wanted to ask me something; I knew what she wanted to ask and she
knew I knew, but I made her ask anyway. She basically asked me if I had a
crush on her, and I laughed and said that I thought that'd been rather
obvious and then reeled off a list of times when I'd said stuff to her
that blatantly indicated that I was smitten with her, and then she laughed; I
can totally understand her desire to have it spoken plainly, though, I
dislike ambiguity in relationships because I'm always afraid that
I'm seeing things or that I'm reading too much into leading statements
and what not.
So we talk for a while and eventually we end up back in front of
her dorm and then she suggests we go sit on the bench in front of my
dorm, so we do, and then when we're there she suggests that we go sit
in the field next to the dorm, so we do, and we sort of lay there next to
each other looking up at the sky talking. And a lot was said and I went
to bed very happy and too wired to really sleep.
The next day I stopped by and she was all silly and excited and
wonderful and she told me that she hadn't been
able to sleep and that she'd woken all of her friends up that morning
to tell them that she and I are together now. We went and sat outside
and talked and she started sort of playing with my hands; so we sat
there and talked and played with each other's fingers and it was all
cool, and then she had to go in to write some papers and so I said
"well, later then", or something like that, only she didn't move and
then she kissed me! I just smiled dumbly like a big dumb-struck idiot
and she went back to her room and I went back to mine.
No girl's ever kissed me before, not without me kissing her first
at least least. I liked it; a lot.
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