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i probably shouldn't be writing this now. i've written and deleted this
chapter four time already tonight and every time it hasn't turned out right
and it never will but i'm tired, so this is my last attempt at this chapter.
maybe that's why i'm sad, because it's late and i'm tired. or maybe it's
just because i've been dumped again, pure and simple. i wasn't this sad then,
though, i wasn't this sad when she emailed me to say that it wasn't working
out for her and she needed some time and it was maybe over; i wasn't this sad,
even though i knew then that she was ending it, no "maybe"s about it. i was
a little sad of course because i'm selfish and i loved the feeling of being
romantically entangled with her, but i told myself that i wasn't going to get
too sad, i wasn't going to get all depressed over this because
i haven't really lost anything; all i really need is a best friend, and
she had given me that and i still have that and i know that she'd never
intentionally do anything to hurt me but now every time i've seen her today
i've felt sad and i'm not really sure why, i mean, i should be used to this
by now, i should be used to this by now! i knew that there was no way anyone
in their right mind would fall for me... but i still had hope, you know?
so i know this too will pass and i won't be sad forever and maybe i won't
even be sad tomorrow, maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and i won't be sad because
i'll still have my best friend and maybe one day i'll even have hope again.
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