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it wasn't until she began talking to me about kissing this other guy and how
wonderful she felt that it truly hit home that it was over, that she wasn't
just going to come around one day, that i have no chance. and suddenly i
feel so alone.
i always get like this; i hate it and love it at the same time. it's not
until someone comes along who makes me think that i have a chance to be in a
romantic relationship that i remember just how much i long to be part of such
a thing. it's not until hope has sprung anew and then withered slowly away.
most of the time i try not to think about it. if i start thinking
about it, about the lack of romance in my life, then i start feeling lonely,
start feeling incomplete. and i begin to hunger anew...
yet i know that this too shall pass and soon i'll be back to coasting
through the days and years without thought of those things which my life
lacks. i'm not sure i want to sink back into ignorance again this time,
though. being hurt doesn't hurt as much these days as it once did, i almost
think it might be worth it to again try making a pro-active effort to find
someone. further rejection can't really hurt more than what i've already
been through, and that is a pain i can bear.
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