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Along with the green hairbow, I have several other items in my jacket
pocket which I carry with me at all times; a small bar of soap, 40-some odd twist-ties,
3 books of matches, a letter from my great-grandmother, and, until recently,
several of those magnetic barcodes that are stuck to things in stores.
It might be said that I should have seen it coming; I think that I in fact
did, but was unconcerned.
My brother requested of me a CD for Christmas. Being the kind (read as:
cheap) person that I am, I was determined to get it for him (read as: decided
that it would fit well with my budget).
I don't like Blockbuster Music stores. I think Hell is like a Blockbuster
Music store, the lighting is bad and they promise you that you can listen to
anything that you like but scowl at you whenever you ask to listen to a CD.
Upon attempting to enter the store, the alarms went off, those really
loud theft-deterrant ones. Scaredmesobadiliketohavedied.
Then I started laughing, because, as I said, I had seen it coming.
I don't think laughing was quite the right thing to do. At first the
"Customer Service Representatives" apparently thought I was merely a shoplifter.
Now they thought I was an insanely giddy shoplifter. I was asked to remain
where I was while mall security was called (oooh, washed up rent-a-cop). I
was finding this all rather humourous.
"Why am I being held?", asked I.
"Do you know the penalties for shoplifting?", I was asked.
"Uhm....a slap on the wrist?" This was met with a sterm frown. "That's
sort of a moot point", said I, "as I have not even entered the store completely
yet, much less stolen anything." They didn't believe me.
The rent-a-cop arrived, I was asked to return the CD, I protested that I
had no CD, for in fact was attempting to enter the store with the purpose of
buying one. The 'officer' patted me down and, finding no CD, glanced
questioningly at the manager of Blockbuster Music, who promptly insisted on
a strip search. I laughed and began taking off my jacket, then my shirt.
He shrieked and then yelled at me to stop. (I was rather relieved at this, as
I had no intention of taking off any other articles of clothing in public.)
"It must have just been a glitch", the manager admitted.
"No", I said as I pulled out a handful of the magnetic-barcode-thingies, "it went off
because I've been carrying these around in my pocket." To demonstrate I
extended my hand into the field of the theft deterrant system, causing it to
go off once again.
I smiled and walked off to Camelot Music to buy the CD.
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