i feel myself sinking into the despair again but i don't want to no i
don't. i see the party out the window and contemplate going to it and i want
to but i won't no i won't. i sit on the bus late at night and watch it pass
my stop, i should get off but i don't no i won't; i'm watching the drunk
people and their smiling and laughing and i want to but i can't so i don't.
i could drink and be grinning like them, still i don't, i could drunkenly hit
on an attractive girl, yet i won't, and i'll be the smiling hedonist with all
that i want? no i won't hence i don't no i don't now i won't know.
Have any of you seen "Singles"? The movie didn't do much for me, no
matter how much I really want to respect the work of Bridget Fonda (i have no
idea why i want so desperately to think she's a good actress). Her character
says to Matt Damon's character (i think it was him) at one point that she's
had to downgrade her definition of love over time until her present
definition, which involves a guy saying "Bless you" when she sneezes. Sort
of like how we downgraded 'hooking up' almost all the way down to eye contact,
Neela. =) So I sort of decided a few days ago that my problem lies in the
fact that my expectations of what love will be like are too high. If I'd
just been satisfied with what I've had in the past year I might not be struck
with these fits of loneliness. So my new definition of love revolves around
the idea of someone who stops walking and waits while I tie my shoe(s).
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