I was watching _The Jackal_ yesterday and had a realization : I would be
perfectly content as a member of organized crime, provided I was high enough
up the heirarchy. I think I would make a great criminal mastermind; I
wouldn't make any of the stupid mistakes that the bad guys in movies make. =)
Seriously though, I think I could really bring back dignity to organized
crime. I would bring back the trenchcoats and the hats and the suits and the
violin cases and the term "wise guy". Now granted, I wouldn't be wearing /
carrying/saying any of these things, I'd just surround myself with people who
looked like mafia types. I'd set someone else up as the front-man and
masquerade as his accountant or a programmer or a small hood (a la _The Usual
Suspects_) or something. It could be very fun. I think I would be content.
It would be a good way to meet people.
Now I have three different plans for achieving my life-goal.
Untouchable. No one ever touches me. I think that's the only thing I
miss from living at home, the loss of people who showed they love by hugging
me. I go through whole days never once touching someone else or being
touched. I think that the longing for human contact my be another reason why
I often ride the buses around and around between East and West at night; I
sit and watch the people come and go, wondering what they're thinking, and
sometimes one of them has no choice but to take the last available seat, the
one that's invariably next to me, and for a short while I am wedged between
two people. Strangers, yes, but human contact none the less.
I am afraid to touch people. Sometimes I want to reach out and comfort
someone, but I find myself unable to muster up the courage; I'm horrible as a
comforter. There have only every been two (non-parental) people that I was
unafraid to touch. I loved touching her, brushing my fingers across her jaw,
running my fingers through her hair, whispering to her with my fingers. But
that's over now, and I'm afraid to touch again; and they've both found others
to touch.
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