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i know that i'm jumping the gun with this, but i just have to let it out.
i had meant to begin slowly, delving into the meaning and mystery of one's
identity.... i guess i'll get back to that part. (incidently, i plan to link
the header to every one of these "whoami?" chapters to a different web resource
on the nature of identity/existance. The one above is a great webpage that
gave me the initial idea for this whole 'shpeel'.)
Today i realized what it is that i want to do with my life. Not that i
didn't know before; it's not like i've been wandering aimless through my life
up until now, it's just that my plans have always been general, flexible i
like to think. My goal in life is, and has for a while been, to be content.
Before that is was to be happy, but i realized that life is inevitably marked
by, at the least, occasional hardship, but that if i could remain content
through it all that i would always enjoy my life. Before that it was to be
rich. As a kid i had a serious fear of dying in poverty. Eventually i realized
that what i was actually afraid of was dying unhappy, that i had come to
equate money with happiness. i got over the fear of dying unhappy though,
replacing it with the fear of dying uncontent before chucking the whole fear
thing out the window and replacing it with a basic trust that, through the
wonderful kindness of God, everything works out for the best.
Today i realized what it is that i want to do with my life. i was sitting
in bed reading _Cosmic Trigger_ vol. 2 by Robert Anton Wilson, one of the
greatest philosophical/psychological/sociological minds of the 20th century
and marvelling that he had met so many key people like Ayn Rand and had been
or still was friends with so many amazing individuals like Timothy Leary.
Oh, i just know that this is going to come out all wrong.
Today i realized what it is that i want to do with my life. i thought
about RAW and thought to myself that *i* could be the greatest mind of the
20th century if i got to hang out with all those other great minds and what
not. That is not what i want to do with my life, mostly because i know that
it takes more than connections to be the greatest mind of the 20th century.
Today i realized what it is that i want to do with my life. i thought
about Forrest Gump; him i could be. Oh, this is going to come out all wrong.
What i want to do with my life is meet people. Interesting people,
important people, influential people. i have no idea how i'd go about it.
The easiest way would be to become famous or important; people who are important
and/or famous are always hanging out with each other. i'm not sure if i've
got what it takes to be famous, though. i like to think that i'm good with
computers, but i'm no Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. i like to think that i have
the potential to be a decent writer, but i'm no Douglas Coupland. Or, i
could become some sort of interviewer with impressive sounding credentials
and the sort of job in which i'd be able to call up anyone (or their people)
and arrange an interview. Still, that sort of thing would seem to imply
developping a certain measure of influence unto itself, i dunno.
i want to meet people, maybe even establish lasting correspondences and/or
friendships. The idea really excites me, but the more i think about it the
more reason begins to set in and dampen my enthousiasm. Reason stinks like
that.
Regardless, the first step is attending
Burning Man at the end of this summer.
i imagine that there will be a great many interesting people there.
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